I like my new coworkers. Really, I do. They are kind to me, and understanding about how it can be hard to be the new kid, and enjoy my geeky humor. They are compassionate to our patients and clients, which makes me happy. And they do good medicine, which is ever so important to me.
But their casual cruelty in their language, in their thoughts, in their oblivious privilege, make me sick. I have had one person suggest (jokingly? I couldn't really tell, or bear to pursue it) that the earthquakes in China are "God starting some population control." Another has, on separate occasions, referred to Mexicans, gays, and a Jamaican in a way that assumed I would know he meant someone off. Wrong. Lesser. I just kept saying "And?" Trying to get him to say what he was implying, or at least make him think about it. My direct supervisor is DEEPLY evangelical Christian, as well as a Fox News advocate. He tried to tell me the other day that Fox just "balances out the rest of the liberal media, and that's why they're biased." I countered that, if you're going to be biased, at least own it. Don't pretend to be objective. I may have made some ground there. Maybe.
It's hard. Hard to censor myself every day. Hard to like these people sometimes, and other times want to scream and cry in frustration. I don't want to look for another job - in a lot of ways, it's a very good one. But I think I'm going to have to spend extra time at my favorite liberal blogs, just to remind myself that I'm not alone. Thank goodness.